This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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