wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
soo... how was my night?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
