never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
