you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You need Xanax blowdarts
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
