do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
