Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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