Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
