you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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