If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
