In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
