she woke up with a sticky ear
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
