addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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