But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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