You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
