Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
