ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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