it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Randomize
