he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
