I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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