He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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