So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
