You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
