You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
