Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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