If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
tell me about the eggs
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
