no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Everyone says I win the strip club
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
