6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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