he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
