What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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