Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
