The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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