When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
