Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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