I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
