im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
