Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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