Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
