You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
