So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
