My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
