It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
