Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
