So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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