his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
