12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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