The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
