also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My life is pants optional.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
