I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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