Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
