What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
