I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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