He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We're not piercing ourselves today.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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