you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
