Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
