when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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